Today, I saw this video about how violinist Park Ji-Hae overcame severe depression with the help of her music.
I thought to myself: “Lucky her, she has a great outlet. Poor me, I have nothing like that.” I cannot begin to express how skewed and self deprecating that remark is. I have a host of things that I do that many people have congratulated me for and have expressed the desire to be able to do as well. But in my self-pitying habit, I tend to forget about all of the pluses in my life and focus on all of the minuses.
But, this post isn’t about bringing down the room. So, let me change gears. The video got me thinking. What do I take refuge in when I’m down? Lately, I’ve acquired the terrible habit of shutting myself off from the world and internalizing everything. That’s really not a great path to go down. Once in a while, it’s okay and even necessary to take some time to focus on oneself and even to do some wallowing. But, living that way is not a good idea. It’s just not healthy.
Anyways, I remembered that when I was younger, I would constantly be writing. Sometimes, I would write for 3 or 4 days straight. Whatever was bugging me got jotted down somewhere. I always wanted to be the kind of person who kept a journal, but that’s just not me. And I realize now that that’s okay. For me, the point of writing on a piece of paper or even in this blog post isn’t to have a memento to be read or re-read in the future. (In fact, I’d strongly advise against re-reading old blog posts, ha!)
Also, I don’t write to change or inspire other people. I write to change myself, my ideas, my outlook in that particular moment in time. And, even though writing is very important to me, I have usually stopped writing for months at a time. The only explanation I have for that is the nagging feeling that maybe what I’m writing isn’t important enough or not witty enough.
I think that that’s one of the pitfalls of growing older. We tend to replace the things that worked for us as kids with more socially conventional behavior. Also, I think we let go of certain habits and behavior because we didn’t actually realize that they were so fundamental in our lives. That’s also what’s great about growing older. We get a chance to realize the true importance of things.
So, fair warning, it might not be exciting, witty or interesting, but I expect to be writing a lot more from now on.
Until next time!